So I finished a job, saved it and sent it away. I figured, what the hell, I'll take the last hour of the day off. I've earned it. Reckoned I'd play a game or something. Just as I was closing down the last few windows in Photoshop, I started mucking about with little shapes and, almost completely without thinking, spent 20 minutes making 9 little empire biscuits. Why did I do this? What a weirdo.

To be honest, I am pretty obsessed with the damn things. The Galletlys have a particularly sweet tooth and I have spent my life surrounded by cakes and biscuits. My problem is that as soon as I've eaten something savoury, an unshakable craving for something sweet kicks in. It niggles away like having one shoelace tighter than the other. This means I eat chocolate after cereal, cakes after lunch and ice cream after dinner almost every day.

Empire biscuits are my new lunchtime fix. It's the icing. The icing is the best. I'd eat solid blocks of it if they wrapped it up like a chocolate bars. I'm lucky I'm not fat. My insides must be suffering in some other horrendous way. The shop in town sells giant empire biscuits. The staff keep them aside for me and everything. When they started stocking smaller, inferior ones, I complained.